Umetrics [portable] May 2026

What it is: “Would you be disappointed if you could no longer use this product?” Why it matters: NPS (Net Promoter Score) asks “Would you recommend?” That’s lazy. The Coffee Shop Question measures emotional dependency. High disappointment = high retention.

We’ve all been there. You open your analytics dashboard. The line goes up. Green arrows everywhere. Pageviews are soaring, session durations look healthy, and your conversion rate is holding steady. umetrics

What it is: The cumulative time between a user’s first action and their first expression of value. Why it matters: If your “Aha!” happens in 12 seconds, you win. If it takes 12 minutes, you lose. Measure this relentlessly. What it is: “Would you be disappointed if

What it is: The percentage of users who encountered a bug, a broken link, or a confusing flow and didn’t report it (they just left). Why it matters: For every 1 user who complains, 26 stay silent and churn. Your Grudge Report is your silent churn predictor. We’ve all been there