This comic was rejected by three alt-weeklies for being “too much.” It’s Zern at his peak—body horror, family trauma, and a punchline that leaves you hollow. Tom Zern’s comics aren’t for everyone. They’re for the sickos. The people who laugh when a cartoon foot turns into a mushroom. The ones who appreciate that a drawing of a sad, leaking hot dog can be funnier than any three-panel sitcom strip.
Here’s a blog post draft celebrating the wildest, most unhinged work of the legendary cartoonist —whose underground comics are cult gold for fans of absurdist humor and chaotic linework. Blog Title: Inside the Vortex: Tom Zern’s Sickest, Most Unhinged Comics
Zern’s genius is turning mundane body horror into comedy. The nose-bones have little joints. There’s a two-page spread of the guy sneezing, and the bones fly out like a bizarre xylophone. One strip ends with his friend saying, “Put those back.” The man replies, “They don’t fit anymore.” You’ll laugh. Then you’ll touch your own nose. Then you’ll feel sick. 3. “Uncle Smiles at the County Fair” (2007) Premise: A deformed, grinning balloon animal named Uncle Smiles wins every carnival game but refuses to give anyone the prizes. zerns sickest comics
The sickness here is existential. Zern spends six panels just showing the worm trying to turn a doorknob. Later, the worm boils himself trying to make ramen. His landlord knocks: “You’re dripping through the floorboards again.” The worm replies, “I’m investing in myself.” It’s hilarious and then you realize you are the worm. 5. “Grandma’s Juice” (2015) – The Crown Jewel Premise: An elderly woman brews a weekly “juice” from the contents of her humidifier, toenail clippings, and static electricity. Her grandson is forced to drink it to inherit the house.
Zern draws the condensation on the bun. The priest’s tiny vestment is stretched over the meat. In panel four, a parishioner whispers, “Forgive me, Father, for I have… relish.” The priest just oozes mustard. It’s sacrilegious, sweaty, and makes you nauseous for reasons you can’t explain. Sick rating: 🤢🤢🤢🤢 2. “Nose Bones” (2001) Premise: A man discovers that his nose contains a tiny, fragile skeleton. He becomes obsessed with showing it to people. This comic was rejected by three alt-weeklies for
Zern once said in a rare interview: “I just draw what my brain throws up.”
And we’re grateful for every chunky, unsettling, brilliant drop. The people who laugh when a cartoon foot
Zern draws Uncle Smiles with human teeth and deflated, veiny scrotum-texture. In one panel, Uncle Smiles eats a corn dog through his ear . The final strip shows him floating away while whispering, “You didn’t want the stuffed giraffe anyway.” It’s surreal, predatory, and deeply unsettling. 4. “The Worm Who Signed a Lease” (2010) Premise: A sentient, necktie-wearing worm signs a 12-month lease on a studio apartment. He cannot operate the stove.