Script: The Seussification Of Romeo And Juliet

I’m sadder than socks with a singular hole. I’m glummer than glub-glub who swallowed a coal. For Rosaline-Winifred-Who doesn’t care! She looked at my heart and said, “Nope! Not in there!” MERCUTIO-GOOSE (popping up, doing a flip): Oh, piffle! Oh, poppycock! Snickle-snack-snooze! You’re rhyming with gloom in your oversized shoes! Let’s sneak to the party! Let’s bounce on a chair! Let’s dance till our toenails grow curly green hair! (SCENE TWO: The Party, which looks like a blender threw up confetti.)

What light through yonder waffle iron breaks? T’is a Sneetch! And a glorious Sneetch, for goodness sakes! Her hair is like fizz-floss, her nose like a pootle. I’ll marry this creature and name her my Skittle! JULIET-GAZZ (giggles): A Montague? Gasp! A terrible pickle! My family will grumble and throw a loud nickel! But who cares for nickels? Who cares for a name? A rose by a smell-smell still smells the old same! (They hold hands. A small dog in a hat sneezes. They kiss. It sounds like a “Zoop!”) the seussification of romeo and juliet script

Oh, Julie-Gazz-Jilly! My Fizz-Fuzzle-Foo! I’d climb seventeen ladders to give you a shoe! JULIET-GAZZ: Don’t swear by the moon, that old cheese-bally sphere! It changes its shape every week of the year! Swear by your ridiculous hat, if you please. That hat is much sillier. Swear by the fuzz on your knees! ROMEO-ZOOT: I swear by my kneefuzz! I swear by my nose! I swear by the lint that collects in my toes! (FRIAR LAWRENCE-KNOX hops in, carrying a pot.) I’m sadder than socks with a singular hole

What’s this? A dead Romeo? A terrible sight! And he drank all the poison? He didn’t leave a bite? (She looks at his bottle, then at her empty hands.) There’s no poison left? Not a drop or a dram? Well, fiddlesticks, doodle-farts, jelly-bean jam! (She looks around. She picks up a plastic squeaky mallet.) I’ll just have to bonk myself on the head! One bonk for true love! And then I’ll be dead! (She bonks. She falls. They lie there. It is quiet. Then—) She looked at my heart and said, “Nope