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Leo ran a complex JOIN across five tables with real-time partitioning.

Panic set in. Their only other option was a cloud database, but that required a credit card. Leo’s card had exactly $1.47 on it. He was a developer, not a magician.

He clicked the button. The 1.2GB file started downloading. The progress bar moved like a sloth on sleeping pills. 5%... 12%... 47%... His internet, of course, chose this moment to rebel.

“This is it,” he whispered. “If this doesn’t work, we’re presenting with PowerPoint slides like it’s 1999.”